Can I tell you a secret? I have no idea what I’m doing, and I have no desire to,and that feels odd. I used to think I wanted to have everything in my life figured out, but the older I get, the less I care.
Actually, that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about fulfillment in life, specifically. I saw something online the other day where a woman talked about how, “Maybe you could meet the love of your life tomorrow, but what if you don’t meet them for fifteen years? How will you live a fulfilling life then?”
At first, I didn’t know how I felt about it, but now I’ve sat with it and thought about it for a whole week, and here is what I have to say.
I’ve spent the majority of my life single. I’ve been in two relationships in total, one in high school for two years, and then one in college that was on and off for two years. I’m about to be twenty-six in two months, so for at least six years since I was eighteen, I’ve spent my time alone. I even went the entire year of 2023 actively not dating.
All this to say, I know how to be alone, and I know how to be happy alone. Being alone has never stopped me from doing anything. I’ve been on countless solo trips and traveled plenty of places. I’ve taken myself out on dates, bought myself expensive gifts, and learned how to love myself without any significant other in my life. Hell, I even cry at the thought that one day I won’t live alone anymore, because I love being alone that much. I am very happy with who I am and everything I’ve done.
I can easily say I have no regrets (as of recently, actually). I’m living what a fulfilled single life looks like in my eyes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have other desires.
I’ve known since I was a very small girl that deep down in my heart, I want a husband and kids to raise, to be loved and to love my future children. That’s the desire. That’s the ultimate end goal for me. I crave, deeply in my bones, a lifetime partnership and children who share my DNA. I know that’s what my heart truly wants, but it’s not something I can have on my own. I can’t make a boyfriend, let alone a husband.
So, when you ask me how I’ll have a fulfilling life if I don’t meet my person for another fifteen years, the answer is simple: I won’t.
And it’s not because I can’t be alone or because I can’t fill my life with joy in other ways. It’s simply the fact that this isn’t how I define fulfillment in my life.