I cried myself to sleep for the first time in years the other day… all because of a boy. A stupid fucking boy. Well, maybe the stupid one is actually me—for letting him have any control over my emotions. Ahh, but putting the blame on him is so much easier, because how could it possibly be me who’s the problem? Just kidding—I’m typically the biggest problem. But this time, I wasn’t.
The man said to me, “I just didn’t want to DEAL with you being mad at me.”
Deal with…? Deal with me?
How about just never speak to me again if I’m such a pain.
Also, to clarify: I wasn’t mad. I was upset because my client died, and he didn’t even remotely try to check up on me. Two days of complete silence between us—after speaking every day for the last six months.
So yeah, I don’t really know the point of me writing this right now, but… I wish he cared. And I wish I never cried over a boy. Even the nice ones suck sometimes. I wonder if I should walk away.
It just sucks because he’s the first boy I could be completely honest with—about everything—and he never judged me. And he’s a great apologizer. But I feel like he’s never really listening.
I just wanted him to show up.
The one time I was truly hurting.
I wanted him to be there, but he basically disappeared into thin air.
Maybe I’m being dramatic right now…I have no idea.
I just refuse to cry over a boy.