Hey journal, it’s been a while since I’ve written in you, and honestly I don’t have anything revolutionary to say. But what I can tell you is this: the days are short, and it gets dark faster than I can blink. It’s cold…already very cold…and I’ve started wearing thermals on my walks.
I promised myself at the start of the season that I’d try my best to make the most of the cold weather, but here I am, two weeks in, and I’d rather never leave my bed. Every morning feels like a never-ending battle of seeing how many times I can hit snooze before I absolutely have to get up. I hate it.
I have no motivation, and I didn’t expect I would, but on top of that I don’t even care to have discipline. Discipline is doing jack shit for me right now. I’m even too lazy to journal most days, which is probably why it’s been a while.
I think I’m burnt out. I Googled how to get out of burnout and all it said was to sleep, eat, rest…blah blah. Well, I’m doing all that, and it doesn’t seem to be working. So what next? Can I just sleep my way through the holiday season?
Actually, the holidays might help me reset, as long as I don’t let them bog me down like they used to. But after almost a decade of holidays alone, I think I’ve mastered how to enjoy them. How, you may ask? By staying so mind-numbingly busy that I forget it’s even a holiday. I make sure every day has a full itinerary so I don’t have to think about the fact that I’m alone.
That might sound sad, but in recent years I’ve actually come to enjoy being alone—so much so that when people offer to let me crash their holiday, I decline. Even this year, I had plans, but they got cancelled, and I low-key felt…relieved.
That’s when I realized that maybe, just maybe, I like my own company a little too much. Too much to give it away on a holiday, anyway.