Today I sat looking at a beautiful view. The bench was above a garden full of wildflowers, and off in the distance you could see the ocean, and even further you could see a hill with a farmhouse on the top. The view was almost perfect…just missing my dog running around with a couple of chickens. It even had an apple tree…the more I kept looking the better and better the view got. It’s as if my mind were in pure bliss within those wee couple of minutes.
Until it wasn’t.
I’ve always dreamed of owning a house on top of a mountain… hopefully looking over some body of water with mountains far off in the distance. I hope for a wraparound porch with a swinging bench for me to sit on while I stare off into the distance with a cup of coffee in my hand.
The only thing about this dream that may make it impossible is money. You see, I’m not very money driven. I don’t really care about how much money someone has or how much money someone makes. I care about my money and that’s it. Granted, I don’t make much, but I make enough to feel content at the moment. I do want to make more in the future, but not millions upon millions of dollars. I just want enough to travel when I want and spend as I please without a worry in the world.
But within a split second while staring off into the view… panic set in. Panic and worry that I don’t care enough about money. And if I don’t care enough, then maybe I’ll never get to have my dream house on a hill. I don’t want to work my life away for money… but man, I want the fucking house on a mountain. And when I think about that… I feel slightly torn and have no idea what to do about that.
So instead I just cried on my drive home and called my friend to tell me that everything will work out regardless. I don’t want to believe her, but I guess I will for now.