I’ll say it once and only once: I wish so badly I wasn’t single. I’ve been single for almost four years now, and for the most part, I really do wish I were in a relationship. I wish I had someone to come home to, or someone rooting for me.
I feel like I could have been in a relationship by now, but every person I talk to just seems so shallow—like they would never truly know me in the way I crave—so I walk away.
I just wish someone would see me, all of me, and see how great I really am… or at least how great I think I am. Yes, that was cocky, but oh well. I do think I’m pretty fucking great, and I would make a great partner. For the love of God, that’s what makes me feel like I’ll never settle.
An odd thought I’ve always had is that I would be a runaway bride if I truly knew the relationship wasn’t right. All it would take is for someone to ask if I really wanted to do this, and if even 1% of my mind thought I didn’t, I would walk away.
I think that’s the scary part—that I know the ideals I want in a relationship and everything I would never settle for. So I’d rather feel lonely than be in an empty relationship, but that is such a double-edged sword.